Names [35th Week Pregnant]

I text my Irish uncle, asking if his daughter has grown out of the clan kilt she wore to our wedding.

'If so', I text, 'can my daughter inherit it'? He says he will ask his daughter, who in our family we simply refer to as 'The Child'.

My uncle, a Manchester United fan thanks to George Best, normally only texts me on match days to slag off Arsenal.

But today he wants to know what we've decided to call my daughter.

I text, 'We've vowed not to tell anyone the name, after my brother and in-laws slagged off some of our options.'

Him: 'Tell me. I won't slag it'.

Me: 'I promised not to. But I can say it has an Arsenal connection . . .'

A blizzard of texts ensues.

Him: Is it 'Boring Boring Arsenal?'
Him: Is it 'Pat Rice?'
Him: Is it 'Martine Keown?'
Him: Is it 'Toni Adams?'
Him: Is it 'Terri Henry?'
Me: 'You can't just name Arsenal's Double-winning teams. There's far too many'.
Him: Too many? Too fucking many? Yer having a laugh. You're naming her Chelsea.
Him: Not Charlie Georgie?
Him: Is it 'Wewuz Robbed?'
Him: I know I know. Is it Arsenal runners-up?

And so the long night wore on . . .

Chanting - [35th Week Pregnant]

I always wake up the Host and the Bubby by singing Arsenal chants.

The morning after the Reading Arsenal game (1-3 to Arsenal), some more chants:

Reading fans (with deep irony, because we had no English players): 'Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land Eng-er-land . . .!'

Arsenal fans: 'You need more foreigners, You need more foreigners . . .'

Arsenal fans: 'Have you ever seen England play like this?'

Reading fans (outraged): 'You're not Arsenal any more.'

Arsenal fans (after our one English player, Theo Walcott, comes on, and misses a fairly easy goal): 'We need more foreigners . . .'

Baby shower [34th Week Pregnant]

This coming Sunday, my mother and sister-in-law are throwing a baby shower for us, mainly featuring women from my mother's church, who I grew up around.

AW doesn't like being the centre of attention. She didn't want to have it unless I would be there too. So it is something that she's doing for me, as I like the idea of the baby being part of as many communities of friends as possible.

AW's grandfather died last night, but she doesn't want anyone from the baby shower to know until it's over.

This should be interesting . . .

NCT Ante-natal classes [33rd Week pregnant]

We decided to go with the National Childbirth Trust in the town where AW works, rather than in London, because
a) it is cheaper, and
b) they met on Tuesday evenings, which fit in with both of our schedules, rather than the weekend classes that the NCT in London was offering.

But just before the classes began, we were told that 3 of the 6 had been moved to other nights, because the venue had been booked out.

The venue is a rather chilly and dispiriting Quaker meeting hall/classroom. The whole atmosphere is like being back at school, and not in a good way. It's not terrible (obviously the information is intrinsicly interesting), but . . .

The NCT organiser has the really irritating habit of putting on a funny voice when she 'teaches' us a technical word, or a word of more than three syllables. As these crop up frequently in Childbirth, you can imagine how tough the two-and-a-half hour classes get!

Especially for tired, small-bladdered pregnant women . . .