We've already selected the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital because we have a parking permit for there (and it's close to our Fulham Road cinema - though I didn't mention to her it was an added bonus). AW and I went on a tour of the maternity facilities yesterday.
The hospital is quite impressive, but the maternity tour unfortunately reminded us both of how much the wing is a factory production line of babies.
The group dynamic was rather cold, or, rather, people felt inhibited in asking questions. We hung around in the wide platform by the lift. Most of the 8 or 9 women were visibly pregnant, the 5 or 6 male partners with them silent but interested. I assumed everyone knew more than me. The tour organiser had a few well-practiced lines which were quite funny, but it wasn't exactly a welcoming visit.
One thing I've learned in life is not to be afraid of asking questions in group situations. I decided a while ago that, if I'm relatively intelligent and curious, and I don't understand something, it's likely that some other people don't as well. Numerous times after a meeting, especially if I'm the chair, people have said to me, 'thank you for asking that; I wanted to know but was afraid to ask'.
But in this situation, looking at AW's flat stomach compared to most of the others' sizeable bumps, it was clear that they would definitely know more than me/us, because they were that much further down the track.
So I shut up. But these are some of the questions I would have asked if we'd been on a tour of people at the same stage as us.
- We've got a doctor, but how and when do we get a midwife? Every bloody book and magazine I read talks about 'your midwife'. Who is he/she, and when do they turn up in our lives?
- My impression is that we have to have selected a hospital to get a midwife connected to there - is that correct?
- When do ante-natal classes begin?
- What do they entail and how much do they cost?
The midwife was frank and open about everything to do with the labour, which wasn't the most reassuring thing - it just revealed the time, staffing, and finance pressures on a maternity unit.
AW cried. We had had a few tense words in the few moments we had between meeting up and going on the tour. (Not a strategic move on my part). Then being on the tour, I could see, was bringing the enormity of the fear (labour pain/baby disability/change in our great life/British NHS vs American healthcare) home to her.
